Lord Asriel is Sexy!
by Lady Salmakia
Summary: A change of pace from all the Will/Lyra tearjerkers. Takes place right after Lord Asriel and Mrs. Coulter, er, right after Lyra's concived, and then some cuz' it's chaperfied!!!
1. Good Morning!

Author's Note: I think Lord Asriel is the SEXIEST character in all of His Dark Materials. He doesn't get near enough screen, er, page time. He gets two appearances in The Golden Compass, one mention in the Subtle Knife, and a few brief scenes in The Amber Spyglass. ::starts crying again:: Why'd he have to...oh crap! Better not spoil the ending for ya'll...Anyhoo, I just got inspired to write a little bit about Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel when they were younger, and in love. Not my best or usual work, but I like the chemistry between them. Just a tad risque. A little bit of implied smut here, but nothing graphic. Some mild cursing. Oh yeah, and they're both pretty much nakie...  
  
Disclaimer: Did you really think I owned this stuff? Lord Asriel would have had much more page time!   
  
Mrs. Coulter rolled over in the bed. It wasn't her bed, but she was far more comfortable here than any other beds that had been hers. She shared this bed with Lord Asriel, when she could get away of course. As it was, Mr. Coulter was away on business and Mrs. Coulter simply couldn't stand being alone for weeks at a time, especially when Lord Asriel's estate was just a day's ride off.  
  
She didn't come for the man's estate. She came for the man himself. She turned her head toward the sleeping form of her lover. He was lying flat on his back asleep, just next to her in the four-poster bed.  
  
And he was incredibly sexy. There was no other word for him. He was tall, and powerfully built, with dark hair and fierce dark eyes. Just looking at him would have made a lesser woman falter and stop, but not Mrs. Coulter, because she knew how helpless he seemed when he was sleeping. She never quavered under his glance, and they became lovers.  
  
Lord Asriel stirred in his sleep. Mrs. Coulter knew he would wake soon, so she reached her had and lightly touched his bare shoulder. His chest rose and fell in the even breathing pattern of sleep a few more times and his eyes fluttered open.  
  
"Good morning, Marisa," he said smiling.  
  
"More like good afternoon, lazy."  
  
"I wouldn't be calling anyone lazy, lazy. I can't help it if you keep me up all night."  
  
"Perhaps I'll stop trying."  
  
"There are other ways to persuade you."  
  
He rolled over on his side, propping his head up with one elbow. There was no tenderness in the man. He was rough, strong and formal, but a bit playful in his good moods. In all the words there were, the best description came from the word powerful.  
  
"I would like to see you try, my lord."  
  
Under the Egyptian cotton sheets, his foot crept toward hers. She felt the gentle brush of his toes and giggled just a little. It tickled, and she knew that was his objective.  
  
"Oh, Asriel! That's a poor method of persuasion. I'm disappointed."  
  
"I have better ones at my disposal."  
  
He was upon her in an instant, quick as his snow leopard daemon. In just moments he had seized Mrs. Coulter and had her in the spoon-like hold of a gentle lover. Perhaps there was some tenderness to him after all. They were quiet for a moment, then Mrs. Coulter spoke.  
  
"May I be honest with you, Asriel?"  
  
"If you haven't before now, I should be very angry."  
  
"Asriel, I want to be really honest with you. I think something happened last night. I think I might be carrying your child."  
  
"Balderdash! Whatever would make you say that?" Though his manner was calm, Mrs. Coulter could tell he was becoming nervous.  
  
"Women's intuition."  
  
He sat up and leaned back against the headboard.  
  
"Marissa, I like you because you're straight-minded. You don't take in all that esoteric nonsense! If you're going to start talking like that, you might as well go."  
  
"I don't mean to upset you, Asriel! I just think there would be...er...difficulty if the child looked more like you than Mr. Coulter."  
  
"Mr. Coulter! What's he going to do?"  
  
"He could kill you, Asriel. It's in the law."  
  
"That man wouldn't come near me. He's far too cowardly. I tell you what I'll do. If this possible baby looks a bit too much like me, I'll ride over there just when she's about to be born. You tell Mr. Coulter she died in childbirth and I'll whisk her off even before the kitchen servants know she's taken a breath. She'll grow up here, and if she asks about her mother, I'll say she was an Oriental concubine of daddy's and that'll be the end of all the entire mess!"  
  
"You've already got a plan! You think there's a baby too, Asriel! You called her a she, not an it! I knew it! You believe in all the damned esoteric nonsense yourself!"  
  
"I think you drank too much last night."  
  
"I drank no more than you did."  
  
"But you forget, Marissa! I'm much bigger than you. I can take more drink."  
  
"You talk like a little schoolboy. If I were to stick my tongue out at you and call you names, you'd blow a raspberry and call me something worse."  
  
This was too much. The tension that had mounted eased with Mrs. Coulter's remark. She knew Asriel would be true to his word. If she was with child, the baby wouldn't be anything to worry about.  
  
"Raspberries, Marissa? Now you've got me thinking about breakfast, or lunch. What time is it? Open the damned curtains!"  
  
She crawled to the end of the bed and peeked through the heavy brocade. It must have been late morning, judging by the bright sunlight dancing on the floor in the patterns it made through the glass.  
  
"I'd say you still have time for a late breakfast, Asriel," she said, stepping out of the bed and pulling on her robe, that had been so casually heaped on the floor.  
  
"Be careful with those curtains! I'm blinded, Marissa. I shall hold you responsible."  
  
She turned and looked at him, his eyes half-shut against the late-morning glare.  
  
"You really are sexy, Asriel."  
  
He smiled a smug half smile. "Need you tell me, Marissa? You have a talent for stating the obvious."  
  
"Perhaps you'd ought to invest in some curtains for your windows as well as your bed. You look like an old man trying to see a book by candlelight."  
  
"And you look like a frumpy librarian who just woke up. Go make yourself presentable. I'm going to order breakfast."  
  
She turned around and stalked into the washroom in a mock-huff. He was so arrogant, and yet it was all part of his charm. The man was irresistible. She was lucky to have him as her lover.  
  
Having brushed her hair and such, she walked back into the bedroom to find Lord Asriel tying the belt of his expensive dressing gown. Everything on his estate was expensive. The man reeked of money.  
  
"It's not here yet. You know the cook, slow as a snail in the heat."  
  
She smiled at him.   
  
"I think we have time for a little something more..."  
  
"Oh, Asriel..." Mrs. Coulter purred and stalked toward him.  
  
(Whatya' think? More? Less? Ewoks? Series? Ransom Notes? Voice your opinion! Rock the review box!)  



	2. Breakfast and Riding

Question: Does the golden monkey have a name?  
Well, here's the second installment in the Lord Asriel/Mrs.. Coulter series. I just love writing for the two of them! Oh, and about the quarter horse thing...I don't know if they had such things (just like the Egyptian Cotton...but oh well), but I just couldn't throw away Asriel's joke on a technicality. It's just too great! I just watched Sabrina, the remake not the Audrey Hepurn one (which is just beautiful too!) and I've decided that Harrison Ford should be Lord Asriel when they decide to butcher His Dark Materials and make it into a movie. (Someone's got the rights...it's come! Total destruction of a beautiful thing!)  
  
  
Lord Asriel watched Mrs. Coulter from across the polished wooden table. The breeze off the river was cool in the late morning heat, and the veranda was a most pleasant place to be eating breakfast. The view was breathtaking, the tamed formal gardens, the water plants, and the beautiful woman staring him straight in the eye across the table from him. Yes, it was a grand morning indeed. Mrs. Coulter looped her almost-black curls behind her ears with both hands.  
  
"Do that again, Marisa," Lord Asriel asked calmly. From a voice so used to giving commands, it almost sounded like pleading.  
  
"Do what, Asriel?" She asked, casually picking up her coffee cup.  
  
"You know what I mean! That thing you do with your hair. I don't know how to describe it. It's just something you do."  
  
"What this?" She asked, tucking those curls back again.  
  
"Exactly!"  
  
"I don't know what's gotten into you this morning, Asriel." She was taking a sip of her coffee with one hand and breaking off a peice of a sweet roll with the other.  
  
"You have, my dear."  
  
That took Mrs. Coulter by surprise. She'd never have expected Lord Asriel to call her "my dear". He was far too cold, even with his closest friends. They were lovers of course, but there was no sweetness between them.  
  
"I think we should get married," Asriel said nonchalantly, biting off a peice of toast and marmalade.  
  
"I think it was you perhaps who had too much to drink last night. I'm a married woman, Asriel."  
  
"And yet you sneak off your husband's estates every other week and slither over to mine. I wouldn't say you're a doting wife, Marisa."  
  
"True, but I do have obligations."  
  
"I'll kill him for you." There was no sarcasm in that remark. It was a good and valid offer. If she'd asked, he would have hopped up, still in his dressing gown and run off to kill Mr. Coulter."  
  
"I think you need to drink more of that coffee."  
  
"I don't think he deserves you, Marisa."  
  
"Edward is a deserving man!" (a/n: Yes! That is his name! It says so in the Golden Compass! Go look it up, scoot!)  
  
"He's Edward now? Last night he was just Mr. Coulter. You are so very fickle, Marisa."  
"Oh, Asriel! You know what I mean. You're suggesting something absurd and illegal."  
  
He shrugged. "It's been done before."  
  
They sat in silence for a while. Mrs. Coulter was recovering from the shock of Lord Asriel's very real offer. It was really a preposterous idea. It made absolutely no sense. Asriel was obviously still recovering from too much wine and a desperate lack of sleep. Perhaps she ought to suggest he lie down for a while, alone. Then suddenly, an idea came to her.  
  
"If you were to kill Mr. Coulter and we got married, you do know what that would make you?"  
  
"It would make you Lady Belacqua."  
  
"It would make you daddy."  
  
"Honestly, Marisa. Do you think I could ever be daddy? I'd be father, and that's even if the little brat does exist."  
  
"You don't doubt that you're going to be a father. I can at least see that in your eyes."  
  
"Yes, so what?"  
  
"This conversation is going to go around in circles. I'm not wasting my time."  
  
"What would you like to waste your time on?"  
  
"Yes, there's another thing. I think you're overtired, Asriel. It would be my suggestion that you go and lie down for a while."  
  
"And you with me?" He asked, with a devilish glint in his eye.  
  
"No. I think I'll catch up on my sleep too. I get so little of that when I'm here."   
  
"You need to learn how to stay awake for long periods of time."  
  
He was looking at her intently, as if they were part of a dime store novel and he was making a foreshadow statement.  
  
"No. I don't think I need sleep any more than you do. I suggest we go riding. It's too fine a day to spend indoors," He said, after a moment.  
  
"I brought no mount."  
  
"Do you think I only keep one horse in all those stables? Come. Let's get dressed and we'll find you a proper steed."  
  
"I didn't bring my riding habit or my sidesaddle."  
  
"Would you stop making excuses? I saw riding clothes in your case. I saw them!"  
  
She looked down and swirled the end of her coffee around in the delicately painted cup. She was beaten, and let out a little sigh.  
  
"I knew you'd see it my way," said Lord Asriel.  
  
Three quarters of an hour later they were both dressed and surveying the horses in Lord Asriel's stables. There were more than a dozen, and certainly several suited correctly for Mrs. Coulter.  
  
"The Palomino then? Or the Chestnut? I want to get out before it gets too hot."  
  
"Which has the better gate?"  
  
"I would personally go with the new one. Something from those dreadful former colonies. A half, a five eights? No. A quarter horse, that's it. She's the chocolatl colored one, with the white mane."  
  
"You know your horses better than I do. I am certainly no equestrian."  
  
And so they had chosen, and within the hour both horses and their riders were well into a comfortable ride. Lord Asriel's estates sprawled over all sorts of country. There was, of course, no shortage of places to visit, or horse trails for that matter.  
  
"What would you say to a little race, Marisa?" Lord Asriel was grinning nearly ear to ear. In the afternoon heat, he had shed his jacket and was riding in white shirtsleeves. Those too had been drenched with sweat and clung to his upper half.  
  
Mrs. Coulter was equally hot, but unable to shed any of her clothing. She was beginning to tire and the squinting in the sun had given her a headache.  
  
"I don't think so, Asriel. Don't you think it's time we headed back? You're soaked."  
  
"I've only just begun! First one into the shade wins." He was pointing across the heather-filled meadow at a shady grove of trees.  
  
"I really don't think---"  
  
But she never finished her sentence. Lord Asriel had smacked her horse on the rump with his riding crop while spurring his own mount on, and so he got his race. It was a frightening moment without control for Mrs. Coulter, but she soon regained her bearings and was even beginning to enjoy the bit of wildness when the horses both stopped at the edge of the meadow, right in the shade of the trees.  
  
"You have an unquestionable way of getting what you want, Asriel," She panted.  
  
"I do, don't I? What would you say to a swim?" He had already stripped off the sweat-soaked shirt and was walking a little stiffly toward a little pond in the shade.  
  
"Have you no modesty?"  
  
"Not when you're around."  
  
"You are just like a little boy. You have the attention span of one. You think of the same things to do, and you talk like one."  
  
"I shan't take offense at that if you apologize right now."  
  
"I shan't apologize if you don't put your shirt back on."  
  
"You're just like a little girl. You're easily embarrassed like one. You call names, and you're stubborn like one."  
  
She turned her nose in the air. Lord Asriel stalked off into the trees.  
  
"Come along, Stelmaria."   
It was the first time he'd spoken to his daemon since Mrs. Coulter had arrived. Consequently, it was the first time the golden monkey had responded to something. He was reaching out his arms toward the snow leopard, obviously wanting to jump of the horse and join his friend. He made pitiful little whimpering sounds.  
  
"Oh hush!" Mrs. Coulter snapped.   
  
"Are you coming, Marisa?"  
  
How could she refuse? In a moment, Mrs. Coulter had slipped down off out of the saddle and was following Lord Asriel into the trees.  
  
  
(Like? Don't like? Those little reviews make my day!)  
  



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